Friday, March 25, 2005
One Very Old Crush
Today on the way to school, i met someone. He's P aka noobie. I was on bus 95, and i was about to alight at the next bus stop, and then he boarded the bus one busstop before my stop. He didnt catch my attention immediately. He took 3 steps, I looked up, and found this face all too familiar. Then I thought to myself, could this be him? OMG. He was clad in a strip polo tee with bermudas, can't remember what bag he was carrying. So anyway, when i was about to alight, i turned to my left, Hell no, it was him. Shock shock horror horror. Such a weird feeling. We didnt say hi, neither did we actually smile. He was on the phone, i think he saw me, and gave me a i-think-i-know-you look. He looked like a bastard, and i think he probably was a bastard last time. He looks so arrogant and haughty. Whatever happened to that sweet, cute and innocent P. The quite popular one, liked by so many girls. I was the first to like. HAHA, and then stupid ppl started liking him (not including evan), im talking about stupid Zeb. Bah.
So weird i tell you. He doesnt even look like a damn law student. He looks like a player from arts? And let me tell you, he isn't as cute as he was. Ken is so much better than him, though everyone thinks they look alike. Ps: THEY DON'T ANYMORE. And come to think of it, P was quite a bastard last time. Okay, shan't dwell on the past. 7 freaking years. Ancient history.
So weird i tell you. He doesnt even look like a damn law student. He looks like a player from arts? And let me tell you, he isn't as cute as he was. Ken is so much better than him, though everyone thinks they look alike. Ps: THEY DON'T ANYMORE. And come to think of it, P was quite a bastard last time. Okay, shan't dwell on the past. 7 freaking years. Ancient history.
Sunday, March 20, 2005
Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough
I don't wanna lose you,
But I don't wanna use you
Just to have sombody by my side.
And I don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you
But I don't wanna be the one to cry.
And I don't really matter
To anyone, anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door.
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough.
Now I could never change you
I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall.
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just want to have it all.
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change.
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough.
And there's no way home
When it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
Do you feel me beside you in your bed?
There beside you where I used to lay.
And there's a Danger in Loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
But I don't wanna use you
Just to have sombody by my side.
And I don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you
But I don't wanna be the one to cry.
And I don't really matter
To anyone, anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door.
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough.
Now I could never change you
I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall.
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just want to have it all.
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change.
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough.
And there's no way home
When it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
Do you feel me beside you in your bed?
There beside you where I used to lay.
And there's a Danger in Loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
I wonder who checks my blog, now that i don't update my blog on a regularly basis. But for those who still are interested about my life, and have been visiting my blog religiously, i've got a piece of news to share with you guys.
I failed my driving.
I wasn't even ready to talk about this just yesterday, but i guess i'm feeling better today. I was at the pinnacle of disappointment. This familiar feeling i had when i realised i couldn't make it to a JC for the first three months, i don't know what the link is, oh wait, yes DISAPPOINTMENT. I wanted the driving license so so bad. The driving test isn't anything like A levels, piano exam, nor a speech and drama exams. For all that i've mentioned, you know that you will ace it, if you really put in effort. And as for driving, i don't know man. There's simply nothing you could do, to even try to ace it or anythign like that. What really made me feel so down was a damn IMMEDIATE FAILURE. It hit me so fucking hard. Here's what happened:
My warm up before the test at 12.30pm, i was doing the slope at first, and the car rolled back an inch, cuz i had difficulty lifting the handbrake, nonetheless, i managed to overcome the slope, and didn't think that i would have problem with the slope. During test, the slope was the FIRST ITEM!. And while trying to move off from the slope, there was no fucking way i could lift the damn handbrake. For 4 attempts, the car rolled back each time i lifted the handbrake. I almost teared. When the tester offered to assist me, I knew i was so doom. So, only on the 5th attempt, i've managed to move on. I have no idea why shit like this could ever happen. This has never occured to me during lessons at or, nor warm up. I don't know. Call it sheer luck. Pissed and irritated, i knew i was so gonna fail, when he said the car rolled back more than 2m. And by rule, if the car moves back more than 1m, it consitutes an immediate failure. Fuckign shit. And for some reason, although he knew i already failed the first damn item of the test, he still asked me to go ahead with the other circuit shit and road training. URGHHH. 1 immediate failure, 20 demerit ppoints. I could've passed with 14 demerit points if i didn't have problem with the fucking slope!!!!
I felt so horrid, and got my dad to pick me up immediately. Cuz i knew if i were to go home by myself, i would've burst out crying on the bus or something. The momemnt i got into my dad's car, starting sobbing like hell. bah. So pissed. but i don't know at whom you see. I can blame myself if i mount a curb, i can blame the cyclist if he accidentally cuts into my lane. but who the fuck do i blame if i can't release the handbrake? The car? Urgh. Gotta waste fucking 300 odd bucks, waste time, and the next time will only be in April. Pfft.
I don't know if i'm some sorta stubborn person who doesn't believe in 'falls'. As in, disappointments, falls whatever.I always believe in getting what i want. And i make sure i bloody get it. I don't set sky high expectations for myself, but at least i get what i want, to make me happy. But as for damn driving licence, urgh, its so unpredictable, unlike grades. Feck. Someone once told me, God gives what you need, and not what you want. I wonder how true is that.
And becuz of feeling in the dumps and shit like that, good old Ken has agreed to burn me allllllllllll the episodes of Desperate Housewives. Ain't he sweet?
14th feb wasn't anything big or elaborated for me this year, since it's our 3rd, don't see why we should make it all fancy and expensive. We celebrated the day before, a Sunday at Pasir Ris Beach. Glad i didn't have to plan anything, cu zi would bloody hate it. He brought a groundmat (how thoughtful), and we just sat by the beach, lazing around, taking pics, listening to ipod, talkign cock, and i can't rem what else. No didn't make out, if you're wondering. We would if there was a tent. hah. i'm just kidding.
Here are some pics:
![]()
Ken and his old man shades
What he got me for Vday
And this too, apparently, some foam maker for coffee/milk.
I failed my driving.
I wasn't even ready to talk about this just yesterday, but i guess i'm feeling better today. I was at the pinnacle of disappointment. This familiar feeling i had when i realised i couldn't make it to a JC for the first three months, i don't know what the link is, oh wait, yes DISAPPOINTMENT. I wanted the driving license so so bad. The driving test isn't anything like A levels, piano exam, nor a speech and drama exams. For all that i've mentioned, you know that you will ace it, if you really put in effort. And as for driving, i don't know man. There's simply nothing you could do, to even try to ace it or anythign like that. What really made me feel so down was a damn IMMEDIATE FAILURE. It hit me so fucking hard. Here's what happened:
My warm up before the test at 12.30pm, i was doing the slope at first, and the car rolled back an inch, cuz i had difficulty lifting the handbrake, nonetheless, i managed to overcome the slope, and didn't think that i would have problem with the slope. During test, the slope was the FIRST ITEM!. And while trying to move off from the slope, there was no fucking way i could lift the damn handbrake. For 4 attempts, the car rolled back each time i lifted the handbrake. I almost teared. When the tester offered to assist me, I knew i was so doom. So, only on the 5th attempt, i've managed to move on. I have no idea why shit like this could ever happen. This has never occured to me during lessons at or, nor warm up. I don't know. Call it sheer luck. Pissed and irritated, i knew i was so gonna fail, when he said the car rolled back more than 2m. And by rule, if the car moves back more than 1m, it consitutes an immediate failure. Fuckign shit. And for some reason, although he knew i already failed the first damn item of the test, he still asked me to go ahead with the other circuit shit and road training. URGHHH. 1 immediate failure, 20 demerit ppoints. I could've passed with 14 demerit points if i didn't have problem with the fucking slope!!!!
I felt so horrid, and got my dad to pick me up immediately. Cuz i knew if i were to go home by myself, i would've burst out crying on the bus or something. The momemnt i got into my dad's car, starting sobbing like hell. bah. So pissed. but i don't know at whom you see. I can blame myself if i mount a curb, i can blame the cyclist if he accidentally cuts into my lane. but who the fuck do i blame if i can't release the handbrake? The car? Urgh. Gotta waste fucking 300 odd bucks, waste time, and the next time will only be in April. Pfft.
I don't know if i'm some sorta stubborn person who doesn't believe in 'falls'. As in, disappointments, falls whatever.I always believe in getting what i want. And i make sure i bloody get it. I don't set sky high expectations for myself, but at least i get what i want, to make me happy. But as for damn driving licence, urgh, its so unpredictable, unlike grades. Feck. Someone once told me, God gives what you need, and not what you want. I wonder how true is that.
And becuz of feeling in the dumps and shit like that, good old Ken has agreed to burn me allllllllllll the episodes of Desperate Housewives. Ain't he sweet?
14th feb wasn't anything big or elaborated for me this year, since it's our 3rd, don't see why we should make it all fancy and expensive. We celebrated the day before, a Sunday at Pasir Ris Beach. Glad i didn't have to plan anything, cu zi would bloody hate it. He brought a groundmat (how thoughtful), and we just sat by the beach, lazing around, taking pics, listening to ipod, talkign cock, and i can't rem what else. No didn't make out, if you're wondering. We would if there was a tent. hah. i'm just kidding.
Here are some pics:
Ken and his old man shades
What he got me for Vday
And this too, apparently, some foam maker for coffee/milk.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
I had a power-packed sleep last night. 10 hours without any disturbance, except for this stupid leg cramp in the morning. And i wonder why i had a leg cramp, i stretched too much? Bah
I was so tired for the past 2 days. First night, not being able to sleep because of my irritating cough, second day, for the most gruelling time of the semester. A 2hr lecture, followed by 6 hrs of lab work. Non stop.
Urgh. And i really hate lab work. 4 hrs of work just to extract DNA/RNA? I'm sure someone has invented something better like adding a magical chemical, and tada! there goes ur miniscule DNA/RNA pellet.
Prac yesterday was horrible. 6 hrs of shit, and lousy results. More like no results. Why? cuz the UV light didn't capture any bands. And what i have now is a blank piece of photograph. Fantastic. Yesterday, it was my first time using the nanospectrometer. It's the coolest thing ever. All you need, is like 1.5 micro litre (prob 1/20 the size of a raindrop), you place whatever solution you have on this metal plate (the size of a bead), and it measures the concentration as well as the nucleic acid/protein ration. How cool is that! I love it. And i love the mini centrifuge machine in front of me.
My friend suggested having a party in the lab. An insane suggestion as you can see. She said we could use centrifuge machine to mix drinks, incubation machine to warm drinks, and those those plastic tubes to contain our shots. Hah. Psycho.
My cough is so much better. I went to the campus clinic, and it costs me $1.50, inclusive of consultation and medicine. Whee! And i'm all ready to go jogging again.
I was watching Desperate Housewives on monday. I love that show. Then i was talking to K over the phone, he said i was like Bree, that ugly and crazy perfectionist. I don't think he meant the ugly part, but rather the perfectionist part. He said i'm so like her. Maybe i am. I expect so much, i always want things my way, i always want things to go perfectly smooth etc. He's right about me. Screw expectations! They only make you miserable.
Tues was my first Bahasa Indo class. It was quite fun. A little stupid though, like how we have to repeat whatever she said. That's so Chinese lesson in primary school.
I've learnt stuff like:
Apa Khabar (actually i knew this all the while): How are you?
Baik-baik saja: I'm doing great
Siapa ini: Who is this?
Anda dari mana: Where are you from?
Ayo, masok: Pls come in
pisang gorengnya enak: The pisang goreng/goreng pisang is good.
Kembali: Welcome
Haha. okay, this sounds really stupid. But whatever. At least i can speak abit. Can you?
I'm off now!
I was so tired for the past 2 days. First night, not being able to sleep because of my irritating cough, second day, for the most gruelling time of the semester. A 2hr lecture, followed by 6 hrs of lab work. Non stop.
Urgh. And i really hate lab work. 4 hrs of work just to extract DNA/RNA? I'm sure someone has invented something better like adding a magical chemical, and tada! there goes ur miniscule DNA/RNA pellet.
Prac yesterday was horrible. 6 hrs of shit, and lousy results. More like no results. Why? cuz the UV light didn't capture any bands. And what i have now is a blank piece of photograph. Fantastic. Yesterday, it was my first time using the nanospectrometer. It's the coolest thing ever. All you need, is like 1.5 micro litre (prob 1/20 the size of a raindrop), you place whatever solution you have on this metal plate (the size of a bead), and it measures the concentration as well as the nucleic acid/protein ration. How cool is that! I love it. And i love the mini centrifuge machine in front of me.
My friend suggested having a party in the lab. An insane suggestion as you can see. She said we could use centrifuge machine to mix drinks, incubation machine to warm drinks, and those those plastic tubes to contain our shots. Hah. Psycho.
My cough is so much better. I went to the campus clinic, and it costs me $1.50, inclusive of consultation and medicine. Whee! And i'm all ready to go jogging again.
I was watching Desperate Housewives on monday. I love that show. Then i was talking to K over the phone, he said i was like Bree, that ugly and crazy perfectionist. I don't think he meant the ugly part, but rather the perfectionist part. He said i'm so like her. Maybe i am. I expect so much, i always want things my way, i always want things to go perfectly smooth etc. He's right about me. Screw expectations! They only make you miserable.
Tues was my first Bahasa Indo class. It was quite fun. A little stupid though, like how we have to repeat whatever she said. That's so Chinese lesson in primary school.
I've learnt stuff like:
Apa Khabar (actually i knew this all the while): How are you?
Baik-baik saja: I'm doing great
Siapa ini: Who is this?
Anda dari mana: Where are you from?
Ayo, masok: Pls come in
pisang gorengnya enak: The pisang goreng/goreng pisang is good.
Kembali: Welcome
Haha. okay, this sounds really stupid. But whatever. At least i can speak abit. Can you?
I'm off now!
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Lab Report is no joke
I'm in the midst of doing a lab report. And i'm most certainly pissed. At whom? I really don't know. Almost everyone and everything. At myself for screwing up the prac, at the Teaching Assistant for not even assisting us, for the damn pic of the DNA bands, its so faint i could hardly see a shit.
Nim!!! If you've done electrophoresis, DNA restriction enzymes etc, i need your help! I need someone to teach me how to map a restriction map. I'm so irritated now! Now NOW!
Today, i spent the day vacuuming my room, the living room, and the back of the piano. Horrors of horrors. Cob's web, dog's fur, a museli bar, (probably expired yonks ago) coin, paper clips. Crazy. I swear to make my next room/house Zen, so i won't have to go thru the hassle of vacuuming.
Oh no! The lab report is due on Tues. Urgh!! Worried. I'm having a bad break out. BAHHHH. Stupid K hasn't replied to my msg yet. Annoying.
Any one with good suggestions for Vday? Suggestions on gifts/celebration/surprises whatever?
Ciao
Nim!!! If you've done electrophoresis, DNA restriction enzymes etc, i need your help! I need someone to teach me how to map a restriction map. I'm so irritated now! Now NOW!
Today, i spent the day vacuuming my room, the living room, and the back of the piano. Horrors of horrors. Cob's web, dog's fur, a museli bar, (probably expired yonks ago) coin, paper clips. Crazy. I swear to make my next room/house Zen, so i won't have to go thru the hassle of vacuuming.
Oh no! The lab report is due on Tues. Urgh!! Worried. I'm having a bad break out. BAHHHH. Stupid K hasn't replied to my msg yet. Annoying.
Any one with good suggestions for Vday? Suggestions on gifts/celebration/surprises whatever?
Ciao
Friday, January 14, 2005
School
School started just one week ago, and things are not going too well.
I have a 3 day week. Hooray? Heh, its not till i found out today that i have 3 lectures that will be webcasted. Now thats what i call HOORAY. So, what, i go to school only for 1 module? Hmm..
This sem, I'll be doing Computing & Society-some computer ethics module, Bahasa Indonesia-who am i kidding. I get to be pally with maids. Experimental Biochem & Cell Bio-a lab module. 6 hrs of lab every week. Regulation and metabolism-something which i don't really mind studying. Molecular Biology-INSANE.
I've realised that the things that im learning now is what i've studied way before, like in JC1. Seriously, i was thinking, they've thought Protein synthesis for almost 4 times, Krebs cycle for 3 times, Structure of DNA 6 times, And gawd knows what.
Somehow, i enjoy arts lectures more than Sci. Why the hell am i in sci? Doing damn biomedical sci. HELP!!
I have a 3 day week. Hooray? Heh, its not till i found out today that i have 3 lectures that will be webcasted. Now thats what i call HOORAY. So, what, i go to school only for 1 module? Hmm..
This sem, I'll be doing Computing & Society-some computer ethics module, Bahasa Indonesia-who am i kidding. I get to be pally with maids. Experimental Biochem & Cell Bio-a lab module. 6 hrs of lab every week. Regulation and metabolism-something which i don't really mind studying. Molecular Biology-INSANE.
I've realised that the things that im learning now is what i've studied way before, like in JC1. Seriously, i was thinking, they've thought Protein synthesis for almost 4 times, Krebs cycle for 3 times, Structure of DNA 6 times, And gawd knows what.
Somehow, i enjoy arts lectures more than Sci. Why the hell am i in sci? Doing damn biomedical sci. HELP!!
Monday, January 10, 2005
Just A Random Thought
When you are in a relationship, or when you are going to be in a relationship, do you guys actually think about the future? What sorta future you may ask, well future like 10 yrs down the road. That sorta thing. It freaks me out, just as much as him to even think about the future or walking down the aisle. I'm the sort that would be just as happy the way things are not. I don't really think about the future. It's not like I don't have a long term plan or anythign like that, but life is simply too short for you to think about the future, so might as well treasure and be contented with whatever you have now. Am i making sense here? Or am i rambling incoherently?
I was talking to an old JC classmate of mine yesterday, and i asked him if he ever thought of marrying his gf of 3 mths. And this was what he said to me, "It'll be nice to get married, but i don't wanna think about this at the moment, its too complicating" I liked his reply.
Sometimes in life, its not that we don't wanna look far, but whats the point of looking far when you can't even be happy now. He said, "Don't take 10 steps if you can't even take 1 step". Very true indeed. He's so philosophical (my friend lah) I think whatever it is, just be contented with everything, and screw the future. Life is precarious, so why bother about what happens when you grow old etc. I mean, its always good to think of the future once in a while, but don't harp on it, and don't try to mould your own future. It'll never happen that way. If its meant to be, it will always be. Nothing can change that.
I really don't think about what sorta guy i would wanna marry, or who i wanna marry. But i tell myself, yes i wanna get married some day, but whoever this other half is, only time will tell. Suddenly the word 'marriage' scares me a little.
I was talking to an old JC classmate of mine yesterday, and i asked him if he ever thought of marrying his gf of 3 mths. And this was what he said to me, "It'll be nice to get married, but i don't wanna think about this at the moment, its too complicating" I liked his reply.
Sometimes in life, its not that we don't wanna look far, but whats the point of looking far when you can't even be happy now. He said, "Don't take 10 steps if you can't even take 1 step". Very true indeed. He's so philosophical (my friend lah) I think whatever it is, just be contented with everything, and screw the future. Life is precarious, so why bother about what happens when you grow old etc. I mean, its always good to think of the future once in a while, but don't harp on it, and don't try to mould your own future. It'll never happen that way. If its meant to be, it will always be. Nothing can change that.
I really don't think about what sorta guy i would wanna marry, or who i wanna marry. But i tell myself, yes i wanna get married some day, but whoever this other half is, only time will tell. Suddenly the word 'marriage' scares me a little.
